OOOHHHHH Naturale!

So, I found a midwife and she is old school! I mean, she has been doing this for more than 20 years. Now, she doesn't do home-births which is just as well since I wouldn't take that chance anyway. I mean, I want to be close enough to an anesthesiologist so that I can get those drugs if I wimp out. But she's down with laboring in a jacuzzi or most anything else I'd want (as long as the hospital will allow it).

Western medicine proponents need not worry. She works in a big OB practice so I will have doctors as back-up in case of an emergency. But, so far, so good. I seem to be perfectly healthy. She actually found the heartbeat on her mini karaoke microphone on my first visit at just 9 weeks.

Now, she hates "What to Expect...." so she had me go buy a couple of other books: "Spiritual Midwifery" and "Birthing From Within". Yeah, the first one is right out of the seventies. The photos are downright scary (and harry). So, we'll just have to explore the world of alternative birthing options! But, just in case, the drug-guy should keep close.......

Call the Enquirer - I'm having an alien!

I had my first ultrasound at 7 weeks. The bad news is I'm having an alien. The good news is that I'm only having ONE alien. My RE seemed to be impressed with the alien spawn. She claims it will turn into a human baby, but I'm holding out for proof. Anyway, it was exciting to see a little white spot hammering away and I've decided to take her word for it that it's the heart beating.

So the alien is the size of a blueberry at this point. I think it's shaped more like a raspberry though. Everyone I talk to seems to be very excited by all of this news. I'm just none too sure yet. I think the best word to describe my feelings is FREAKED OUT. But hey, you would be too if you were going to give birth to an alien.

Pregnancy as a diet plan?

A few years ago, I got to go on an amazing cruise with my good friend's family. We've all heard the stories of people catching some weird illness on cruise ships. Well, I actually started my cruise with a stomach flu. Yep, I got ON the ship sick. So there I am, for the first few days, on this beautiful ship surrounded by fantastic food and booze! Even after I started to feel better, I couldn't eat anything but chicken & rice & potatoes. The upside was that I only gained 7 pounds during the cruise rather than the 10 pounds I would have gained if I'd been eating from day one. But man, I would have preferred the extra 3 pounds.

So, here I am, deja vu all over again. I'm eight weeks pregnant and I've lost 3 pounds. Yeah, I can't eat much of anything. I can look at something once and it looks good. I look again and I just want to hurl. Crackers seem to work well but they don't exactly provide a lot of nutrition. Oddly enough, potatoes, in any form, seem to go down ok. I like McDonald's hash browns in the morning and french fries in the afternoon. You'd think the grease would be a problem - but it's not. Cheese and milk are still ok. (What do you expect? I'm the granddaughter of a dairy farmer.) I've given up my morning mochas in exchange for Coke or ginger ale.

Now, I've found that I'm fine as long as I don't move. Given that, I have tried to get my cat to fetch me some crackers and a ginger ale. I mean, I've seen dogs do it and cats are smarter than dogs so............ She just looks at me and tells me to get up and let her outside or feed her. No help. Fortunately, I work from home so I don't have to even get dressed to do my job (I do though). So all in all, I have no right to complain. Still, I'm looking forward to the second trimester when I can eat more of the things I want and can indulge strange cravings.

The Perks of Pregnancy?

Well, I haven't started parking in the spots reserved for pregnant women & women with kids. But I have experienced the first "perk" of my current situation - although I'm not sure how thrilled I am about it. A week or so ago, I got a Swine Flu vaccine. If it weren't for my pregers status, I would not be eligible. My doctor insisted that I get it. I was reluctant. I mean, can we really be sure that it won't do more harm than good? How much do I trust the CDC when they tell me that it is safe for pregnant women?

I haven't had a reaction to it - except for a really sore arm (for a couple of days). Hopefully it works and I'll be able to walk amongst the infected without contracting it. But mark my words, if my kid is born with a snout and a curly tail, I'm suing.


Tomorrow: my attempts to teach my cat to go get me some ginger ale.

No news is good news.......

I know it has been quite awhile since my last post. I decided that for month number 2, I would try to ignore what was going on as much as possible so as to reduce the stress of it. That just can't be conducive to getting pregnant. So, here's the update.

I went through the hormones again - had 3 nice fat happy follicles - and had my doctor do the IUI 3 weeks ago today. She was quite a bit quicker about the procedure than the other doctor last month. It was more like - Wham, bam, thankyou m'am! Mom drove me home again - this time with the seat tilted back and my feet on the dash. I spent the rest of the day on the couch. (I love being self-employed.) And thus began the 2 week weight......

Now, I must say that I hate pregnancy tests with little lines. Apparently, I'm not smart enough to read the lines. They might as well be tea leaves. Is it a faint line or just a shadow? Is there color to the line or is it just grey? (It actually makes a difference.) So, one day, I just couldn't take it anymore and went and got Clear Blue Easy Digital. It either says "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant". How much simpler can it get?

Well, mine said "Pregnant"! Wow! Thank Buddha for fertile women in my family! And good job, Finn! (That is the name I gave my donor - more on him in the weeks to come.) Blood test has confirmed and my hormone levels are excellent. So now begins the 9 month wait! I need to start making lists........

Updates will now be coming more often so feel free to check back!

Lessons learned over a glass of wine.

I'm sitting here tonight, enjoying a glass of wine, and contemplating the lessons learned in my first attempt at mommyhood. It has been very eye-opening, to say the least. So, here's what I learned:

• It is possible to have all of the early symptoms of pregnancy even if you aren't pregnant. It's called stress.


• I am not capable of waiting patiently to find out if it took. I would test a couple times a day if I could afford the tests. (As if the process weren't expensive enough.) I need to plan a lot of stuff to keep me busy during the 2 week wait.


• The hormones they put you on will make you a little crazy - probably because they make your cycle longer, thus prolonging the suspense. (Would have been nice for my Dr. to warn me)


• I am SO over the strangeness of the whole anonymous donor issue. Truly, the least of my problems.


• The second time will be easier - unless of course, it works - in which case, it will never be easier than it is now.


• I have got to RELAX.

So, I get a couple of days to enjoy a bottle of wine. Then, it's back on the Clomid, back to the RE, back to the sperm bank, etc. I'm hoping that a more serene approach will bring better results. I mean, would you rather spend nine months in a room with candlelight and Enya or red lights and speed/death metal coming from the sound system? Feel free to remind me of that if you see me and I seem like a ball of stress. I may be a Buddhist but I'm not the Buddha.

Does a shadow of a line count? Probably not.

I am highly doubting that donor made 2 this month. I'll have a recap of "lessons learned" from the first month later. But for now, I think it is safe to say we've got a BFN. That is a big fat negative in the ttc (trying to conceive) world.

More later.....

New term alert! 2ww - or 'Hell' as I like to call it.

So, I am approaching the two week point since d-day. The Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) have a name for this time period. They call it 2ww. I think of it as hell. Going into this, I thought I will just have the IUI and then I'll just try to forget about it for 2 weeks. Riiiiggghhhtt. This is the woman who regularly visits www.spoilerfix.com because I can't wait a week to find out what will happen on LOST.

I've spent the last 2 weeks jumping at every twinge, cramp, and ache. I have taken 2 pregnancy tests - even though I KNEW it was too early for anything to register. I have read all the early symptoms and could swear, on any given day, that I have experienced 80% of them - even if I haven't. I mean, I FEEL different but it could very easily be the stress of wondering if it took. I mean, stress can make you feel exhausted and nauseous and cranky.

Now that the HPT might actually show an accurate result, I'm almost too afraid to take it.
WTH???!!!!! Yes, HELL.

Well THAT was interesting.

I know it has been a week since d-day. But it's taken me that long to process the whole thing. It's actually even weirder than one might think. It didn't help that we left the house before dawn (thank Buddha for my mom who drove!). I had to go to a doctor 2 hours away since my RE was on vacation. So, we got there in plenty of time. They thawed out the dd while we went and got some horrible powdered eggs and bacon (as if I didn't already feel like throwing up.)

Now, I had resigned myself to the idea that a man would be performing the procedure. Not thrilled - but resigned. See my post entitled "I'm not a lightbulb joke." So, I'm sitting there with my little sheet (ladies, I'm sure you understand), waiting and waiting and wondering if this is the worst idea I've ever had, and hoping that the donor isn't some secret serial killer, and realizing that I hadn't shaved my legs in a couple of days. Seriously, they should never leave a woman alone in the stirrup room for more than 2 minutes.

Then the door opened and in walked 2 women. The younger one said, "Hi, I'm Dr. aedfjwpoafie. I should remember her name, but I don't. I was just so relieved she was going to possibly knock me up! She held up a vial that couldn't possibly cost $500 even though it did. Really - that tiny vial? For $500? She assured me it was very concentrated - kinda like they do with orange juice, I guess.

Anyway, after that, there was 5 minutes of procedure, 15 minutes of laying still, and then 2 more hours driving home and freaking out on occasion. Again, thank Buddha for my mom who drove! I think there is some instinctual part of me that wanted my eggs to yell, "Stranger danger!" at those swimmers and run away. I mean really, I don't know this person. And now I've got his sperm hunting down my eggs. And I PAID for it!

Well, I'm sure you can see why it took me a week to write this. I've had time to distance myself from the idea of foreign invaders. I'm looking for appropriate analogies to use. Adding water to a chia pet........not quite right, but close. Adding the activator to hair color to make it work........ a little better (if not as literal).

So now I'm off to get another blood test. FUN!!!!

Well, it seems everything is a go for Saturday!

My follicles are getting bigger.
The swimmers are ordered and on their way.
I've got my appointment set up with my doctor.

Now all I have to do is give myself a big shot. Yeah..... It shouldn't be a big deal. I mean, I give my cat a shot twice a day. Of course, her needles are much smaller. And I just put some food in front of her and give them to her in the scruff of her neck. But I don't have a scruff and I couldn't reach it even if I had one. So, I don't know how this is going to go. Food seems to distract Janie. Maybe if I put a bowl of chocolate ice cream in front of me, I won't notice. It can't hurt........

Free to a good home?

Thanks for all the good thoughts!!!!!!

I found out today that I have 4 follicles. 4, four, quatre, quatro, I wish I knew 4 in a few more languages, Holycrapfortheloveofpete 4! That is 4 little bubbles - each holding one egg that, if fertilized, could become a kid!!!!! That's like having a litter of puppies!!!!! So, I'm lining up folks who want an extra kid! Any takers?

Kidding aside, they need a couple extra days to get big and fat before they'll subject them to the onslaught of swimmers. So, I go back on Thursday for another ultra-sound and the plan is to thaw out DD (daddy donor) on Saturday. Actually, I've named him Finn. More on him tomorrow.

I am trying to reassure myself that a couple of the follicles still won't be big enough to be viable by Saturday. Still, 2 should be of the appropriate size. Also, the ultrasound technician assured me that the chances of twins is only about 5%. Come on 95%!!!!!! PLEASE 95%!!!!!!!!

Speaking of the lab technician, would any of you find it strange if someone was doing an internal ultrasound on you and they said, "I can't find your right ovary."? I felt like saying, "Well if you can't find it, I'm sure I don't know what happened to it. I don't think I left it anywhere." It just struck me as odd. Anyway, my left one seems to be doing most of the work. I'm hoping that is a sign that I'm going to have lefty-liberals for kids. Dad says he doesn't believe there is a correlation. But I'm a believer in nature over nurture in many things.

The roller coaster car is getting closer to the top of the hill......

First, I'd like to thank everyone for sending me such great support since my last post. It has been such a great help to me.

Since then, things have continued along in the preggers process.

I finally picked a donor - even though he was not one of the ones that went through the "friend screening process". More on him later.

I've got all of my paperwork in to the sperm bank. You've got to sign all kinds of stuff - I guess they want to be sure you can't sue them later if you give birth to the spawn of Satan or something.

I've been on meds for the past week so my dusty old egg might actually work.

I go to the doctor tomorrow for an ultrasound to look at that egg and see if it's big enough for a swimmer to actually find it.

If it is, then I give myself a shot sometime tomorrow or Wed. and then go try to get knocked up on Thursday! More on this later as well.

Keep your fingers crossed for me this week! I'll be writing more on all this in the next few days.

family ties?

It has been so long since I posted and so much has happened. I was traveling for work, then I spent a week or so on my back because my hip was messed up. A few new things have happened on the baby front but what I need to talk about today is family.

I have a few books about becoming a single mom and I read all of the chapters I thought were relevant to my life. I skipped over the chapter about how to deal with non-supportive family members. I was under the impression that my entire family was behind me and I considered myself so lucky that I didn't have to worry about that.

Well, imagine my surprise when I found out that my own brother doesn't think I'm responsible enough to be a mom. Many of you reading this will find it hard to believe that he would ever say such a thing. I was too. Keep in mind that I have a Masters degree, I own my own house, I have a career, I purposely bought a car with side-curtain air bags, and I do volunteer work.

I was even more surprised with how viscious he was about it. I have felt hurt, shaken, but mostly angry. Angry because he is the last person who should be preaching to me about responsibility. For those that don't know him, I'll leave it to your imagination. It would be unethical to air his dirty laundry.

Needless to say, this is part of larger issues within my family that are now coming painfully to light. But it leaves me with doubts about how my child will be accepted. I never gave that a second thought either. Perhaps I should. I think I need to go back and read the chapters I skipped before. I hope they've got some answers for me.

As it is, I'm lining up folks who won't mind being called "aunt" or "uncle" by my kid. Let me know if you're interested. I promise my kid will color pictures for you and send you valentine's cards every year.

A way to pay?

It's been awhile since my last post and a lot has happened. I have narrowed down my prospective donors (I'll tell you about that tomorrow) and I have had a glitch in health insurance coverage. That's what I'm talking about today.

Yesterday, I got a letter from Geisinger Health insurance denying me coverage because of my Fibromyalgia and my upcoming IVF and Artificial Insemination. Now, I don't receive treatment for my Fibromyalgia. I just live with it. I go to the doctor for it every few years and maybe get some mac-daddy Ibuprofen or some physical therapy - nothing major. As for the IVF & AI, I'm not doing IVF and as for the AI, they don't cover it anyway so what do they care how I get pregnant? Personally, I think this makes me less of a risky insur-ee than if I had told them that I was going to get pregnant by hitting the local bars. AGAIN - BEING RESPONSIBLE. So now I can't have coverage.

I've called a couple of other insurance folks - and we'll see if anyone else will cover me. I'm trying not to panic. I wonder about folks who just get pregnant without health insurance. How do they pay for it all? How do they not wake up in a cold sweat over how vulnerable they are? Does the government take care of it? Apparently, I make too much money to qualify for Medicaid. But I don't make enough to just be able to pay for all of this out of pocket. I mean, a delivery can cost $7,000 to $10,000! Yikes!

So, in the event I can't get other insurance, I've started brainstorming about other ways to do this. I'd appreciate any thoughts you have. Here's what I've come up with so far.....

1. Put an ad on Craigslist looking for a man with health insurance who needs a green card. I'd marry him. He could live in my guest room. He'd put me on his health insurance. He'd get his green card. I wouldn't go so far as to ask for sperm as part of the deal -- unless his name was Sven and he looked - well - like a Sven. (Close your eyes. You see what I mean, right?)

2. When I go into labor, I have a friend drive me to Canada. I can't be more than a few hours away. Since this is my first kid, I'll be in labor for quite awhile, right? They have nationalized health care, right? Those friendly Canadians wouldn't turn me away, eh?

3. Get pregnant here and then move to England for nine months. I'm not sure how I'd pay for this. Maybe I could get a student visa or something. I'll have to check into fellowship programs or something like that.

4. Get pregnant and then quit my job so I qualify for government assistance. OK - I didn't say these were all GOOD ideas.

5. Apply for a job that has come open in Mom and Dad's old office at USDA. The gov. offers pretty good health insurance and I'd get maternity leave. The bad news is that I'd have to work a 40 hour week on a set schedule and drive 40 minutes each way. (The exact opposite of my life now.)

So, those are my ideas for now. If you have any others to offer, please feel free. I'm open to just about anything here!

I'm not a light-bulb joke.

I subscribe to a chat room of single women trying to get pregnant. We all belong to a group called Single Mothers By Choice. Someone in that group was asking how everyone else chose their RE (the woman who's going to knock me up). I didn't post my reasons for choosing mine because in the grand scheme of things, its probably a stupid reason. But since most of you know how nuts I can be, I thought I'd share my thoughts with you.

So, my Gyno (whom I love) gave me the names of a couple of REs. One was a man approximately 35 minutes away from me. He had his own little practice and used a PA sperm bank. Another was a woman about 1 hour away (maybe a little more). She has a practice with the Geisinger medical group. The third option was highly recommended but she was a couple of hours away - too far.

Now, a normal person might decide to go with the closest one. After all, I may have to go several times during certain weeks of the month. It would make sense. But here's all I could think about: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two Men?! I've already got one man I don't know from Adam (or at least his swimmers) trying to get me pregnant. I don't need another. I can just hear myself, "Well, I really have two men to thank for giving me my child." I mean, there is just something weird to me about one man injecting another man's swimmers up me to get me pregnant. Gross, right? Excuse me while I have a case of the heebie-jeebies.

I'm sure he's completely professional but my ability to approach this in a totally clinical way only goes so far. I'd rather drive a little further to a nice woman who actually knows what it's like to have people poking around. And there is absolutely no chance that my kid will bear and eerie resemblance to her. You've heard the horror stories from the early days of sperm banks, right? Now, I will pause to give you time for a case of the heebie-jeebies. Just shake 'em off. Better?

And the point of health insurance is.......Anyone?....Anyone?

Allow me a moment to rant, if you will.

I am self-employed. I am also responsible. So, like any responsible, self-employed person, I buy my own health insurance. And I pay out the butt for it. Do you think it is going to help at all in this process? NO. Now, I'm not asking my insurance company to buy my sperm for me. I'm not even asking them to pay my doctor to put it in me. What I'd like them to do is pay for an x-ray to tell me if there is any point in putting sperm in me at the rate of $500+ a pop. I mean, if I were using the "closing time down at the corner bar method" for getting pregnant, then it wouldn't be so important to know if I had any blockages because it wouldn't cost me more than a couple of drinks (and I bet I could find a way around that, too).

But no, here again, I'm being responsible. I'm going through proper channels. And I've just got to wonder what I've been doing, paying $250+ per month for the past 2 years to my health insurance company (and barely using my health insurance) so that they can now tell me that they'll only pay for part of the x-ray, after I've met my deductible (which is almost as much as the x-ray) IF it is within 21 days of a hospitalization or surgery. But I don't need to be hospitalized and I don't need surgery. Now, if the x-ray showed a blockage, then I would need surgery to unblock me - BUT - my insurance wouldn't pay for that surgery because it doesn't cover fertility treatments or procedures.

So, WTF(arfignugen)! Octomom can have 14 kids (with fertility treatments) and get covered under programs funded with my tax dollars (which I'm also paying out the butt for because I'm self-employed) because she certainly doesn't have time for a job and therefore has no health insurance of her own. But my health insurance, which I PAY for, won't cover a test that my doctor tells me I need.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not surprised by this. I watch the news. And I am a Democrat. I know the insurance companies are just out to rob us blind and provide no health benefits so their fat-cat CEOs can hide their profits in the mattresses of their multimillion dollar vacation homes in the Cayman Islands. And now I've managed to connect my fallopian tubes to the social ills of the day. And I'll take this opportunity to tell everyone reading - Devon Health insurance SUCKS!!! My work here is done.

Whispering sweet nothings? I don't think so.

Is there a point at which you could have too much information from your donor? I want to know what he looks like, what his interests are, what his natural abilities are. I want his personality profile. I want to know his family medical history for the last 4 generations. I'd like to have baby pictures and adult pictures. I'd even like pictures of the other children created through his donations.

But, do I want to hear his voice? Some of these sperm banks actually offer audio clips from the donor. I made the mistake of listening to one. It totally freaked me out. I'm not sure if it made him too real for me or what.

Now, I'm not an idiot. I know he's a real person. He has to be. This isn't "Weird Science" and I'm not trying to make a baby out of a Barbie doll. (I apologize for the '80s movie reference.) But for the love of Pete, I'd rather think of him as words and pictures on a page - a nice 2 dimensional set of statistics who just happens to have something I need in order to make a 3 dimensional person. He'll be real to me soon enough. Like when I'm trying to figure out who my offspring looks like or why my kid makes that scrunchy face when he's concentrating on something.

For now, it seems too much like a dating service. And if I've learned anything from dating services, it is that the guys are rarely as good as their profiles. They may look great on paper, but when you start talking to them ........ eh......... not so much.

It takes a village???

I started this blog for several reasons. First, I wanted to have a place to keep my family and friends updated on this process. Second, I thought blogging would be a good way to process all the thoughts I have racing trough my mind. Third, I figured it would be a great way to get feedback on all the decisions I've got to make.

On that note, I've got some questions for anyone reading this post.

When choosing a total stranger to be the other half of your child's genetic make-up, do you:
1. choose someone like you or someone completely different for balance?
2. What about looks? Similar to your family or movie star look-alike?
3. Do you want a donor with a picture? Would you accept a donor without a picture?
4. Do you want a donor with a proven track record? Keep in mind - that means there are half-siblings out there - maybe a lot of them.

There are a dozen other questions, but we'll start with these. I've looked through several sperm banks and the range in available information is vast. Here are a couple of examples:

My cowboy sperm bank offers up this on their short profile. (Their extended profile provides a little bit more medical history but not much more personal info.
Meanwhile, another bank offers this and this for their donors in their short profile and I haven't looked at their long profiles yet.

I think you get what you pay for and I don't just mean the swimmers. The cowboy sperm bank is about $200-$300 less per vial than the second bank. Is the extra info worth that much? Keep in mind that this may take many vials so we could be looking at a couple thousand dollars difference before we achieve babyhood.

Do you see my dilemma? If my kid is anything like me, he/she is going to have a lot of questions about his/her donor. So I need to be armed with info. On the other hand, I'd hate to have to say to my offspring, "I can't afford to send you to college because I spent thousands of dollars buying your donor's genius sperm, but at least we know he was really smart."

The corner bar is starting to look better and better all the time. As my brother says, "The odds are good but the goods are certainly odd." So, let's hear your thoughts. I mean, most of you are going to have to deal with this kid as well - at least at family gatherings.

I think when I narrow down my list of possible donors, I may put it to a vote on this blog. I believe a very wise woman wrote a book entitled, It Takes a Village. I'm just not sure this is what she had in mind.

Do kids come with Lo-Jack?

I lost a sheet of paper my doctor gave me. I spent hours looking for it. All the while, I was thinking, "I can't call her office and ask for another one. If she knows I lost an important piece of paper, she'll never give me a kid!" If I can't keep track of my medical information, what am I going to do with a child?!!!!

Then I found the paper in my chair cushion. So now I figure that if it had been a kid, I've got a few things in my favor. First, the kid would be lost in my house - so that doesn't really count as lost at all. Second, the kid wouldn't fit in between my chair cushions. Third, even if the kid managed to get lost in my chair cushions, he'd eventually cry and then I'd be able to follow the sound. That's what I do with my cell phone when I can't find it. I call it and then follow the sound of the ringer. Just to be safe, I'm going to have a Lo-Jack system installed on my kid before we even leave the hospital.

So, crisis averted. I must remember this over the next year when I panic and doubt my abilities to be a decent mom. In the meantime, I'm going to designate a specific folder to store all of my medical information. It's probably not a bad idea to hone my organizational skills now.

Don't you wish you had a Reproductive Endocronologist?

It's all the rage now. Everyone will be rushing out to get one. I like to think I'm out there ahead of the crowd. I have my very own Reproductive Endocrinologist. Fancy, huh?

What? That just means a fertility doctor? You mean it's not going to be the next Hollywood craze? Maybe for the older Hollywood crowd. You know, the ones that forgot to have a baby when they didn't need to know terms like hysterosalpingogram and follicle stimulating hormone or thyroid stimulating hormone.

So my non-fancy Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE or "the woman who's going to knock me up") has told me that I should have those hormone levels checked (which I expected) and that hysterosalping-o-thing (not expected). The hormone levels shouldn't be a big deal. They can check that with a simple blood test - or maybe I have to pee in a cup. Easy-peasy.

But the hysterosalping-o-thing? Yeah - that doesn't sound too pleasant. Apparently, they squirt some radio-active waste (or maybe they called it "dye") up my va-jay-jay and see if I light up like a Christmas tree. Actually, they take an x-ray and check to see if I have tube blockages. The info sheet they gave me on the procedure used terms like 'speculum' and 'instruments are inserted' and 'uterine cavity'. Uh-huh. Apparently there is "some cramping" involved and they recommend ibuprofen (taken an hour before the procedure). These are my favorite sentences: "Cramping occurs when the uterus is filled with fluid and for about 15 minutes after the procedure. The entire procedure takes approximately 45 minutes." Fun, huh?

The big question I have is - Where does all that glow-in-the-dark-dye go when their all done looking at my girlie parts? As if that wasn't enough, the x-ray costs about $3K. The insurance should pick up some of that. But I don't know what "some" means yet. I've decided to start keeping tabs on all of the costs involved in this process.

Now, I recognize that it seems like I'm complaining a lot here. Maybe I am. But it's my blog so I get to complain a little bit, don't I? I never claimed to be Mother Teresa (and wouldn't this be even more interesting if I was?)

Men give it away for free - so why does it cost so much?

Did you know that sperm can cost anywhere from $200 to $600 dollars per vial? Yep, you read that right. It's amazing, isn't it? I mean, most guys would love the idea of a no-strings-attached, one night stand and I'm going to pay out the nose for it. I try not to think about it.

The difference in price, you ask? It depends on several factors.

1. The bank - There's one in Montana on the lower end of the price scale. I imagine you get a lot of cowboys. Lest you think that sounds romantic, let me assure you, it's not. I've met my share of Cowboys. Then there are the banks in your more metropolitan areas. They seem to be at the higher end of the spectrum. There's more variety in donors. But I've seen a lot of these guys in bars at happy hour. All I can say is "Urban Cowboys".

2. ID, please - If you want a name (when your kid turns 18), you're going to pay for it. That's right, if you think your child might want the man-who-made-him-possible's name, you gotta plan ahead. Certain donors have agreed to release their names to adult offspring. Others want to remain anonymous. Even the ones who agree to release their names haven't necessarily agreed to meet their offspring but the door is slightly more open to it.

3. Product type - I've learned all kinds of phrases like ICI, IUI, IVF, and ART. All of that just stands for how far it's got to swim. The less work the sperm has to do, the more expensive they become. The terms that really get me are "washed" and "unwashed". Allow your mind to run with that for a moment. It is exactly what it sounds like. The "washed" swimmers are in a nice, sterile, doctor's-office solution and are therefore more expensive. And the "unwashed".........

4. Donor education levels - One sperm bank actually has donor pricing levels based on education. If you want PhD DNA, you're going to pay. While I do believe in "nature vs nurture", I'm not sure it matters in this case. You could be a member of MENSA and still not know how to change a flat tire.

So, how do I choose? Should I go for the sports car or the sedan? I mean, you can find some great deals in Filenes basement, but you could also get the garment home before you recognize the tear in a seem. And then it's too late.

And I haven't even touched on the donor's personal characteristics yet...........

If this blog was a baby

DSS would have been called and I'd be arrested for neglect. Fortunately, blogs don't need constant care in order to survive. But these past few weeks have brought up a valid concern for me.


Week 1 - I was in withdrawal from a medication. I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin and my hands and feet weren't connected to my body. I didn't do much but work and watch TV.

Week 2 (&3) - I had a head cold. Again, I didn't feel like doing much of anything but work and watch TV. I did manage throughout these weeks to give my diabetic cat her insulin shots, so that's gotta count for something.

I try to imagine having to care for an infant during the past two weeks. It seems daunting. Mind you, I know that I could do it. I wasn't that sick and I can usually do what needs to be done. But it seems daunting none-the-less. The thing that keeps me moving forward in my baby-quest is the knowledge of how I got the cold.

You see, I caught this cold from my beautiful, sneezy, smart, germy, adorable, awake-coughing-in-the-middle-of-the-night, brilliant, and amazing nieces. And I knew I was going to get sick. I knew it when I snuggled with them. I knew it when I accepted their kisses. I knew it when I put my chap stick on their little chapped lips. I knew it and I didn't care. Because what else is better than snuggles and kisses from the most beautiful little germ factories I have ever known.

And so I ask myself, "Was it worth it?" The answer is YES!!!!!!
And will it be worth it with my own little germ factory? I can only imagine the answer is: A million times YESSS!!!!

Dr.'s Advice?

I went to my GP the other day. I wanted to see about getting off of a medication before I started trying to get pregnant. Of course, this sparked an interesting conversation and I realized that although I have been thinking about single motherhood for years, it is still a foreign concept to most. He asked me if I had been trying. I said "no". He asked me if I had been passively trying. I said "no". He then asked me if i knew that I would have to try in order to make it happen. I informed him that I wasn't going to do this the old fashioned way. I've decided to start carrying a camera around to capture the facial expressions as they think through what I'm telling them.

I was relieved to discover that he was supportive of my plans and even had some suggestions for me. He was shocked to hear how much sperm costs and was certain that I could find cheaper swimmers if I got creative. I'm sure that this was all somewhat tongue-in-cheek but he thought the local bar would be a good place to start. Since I wasn't too keen on that idea, he suggested I post an ad. Now, how would that ad look?

WANTED:

Sperm

Fast swimming and potent

Preferably with DNA to create above average IQ

Attractive Packaging a Plus

**********************************

Somehow, I don't see it happening. But it brings up a couple of interesting topics. Just how much does sperm cost? And how does one choose sperm? Those topics are coming up!

To tell the truth

I have been told that once I make up my mind on something, it isn't going to change. And I guess that is true. I'm a fairly decisive person. But that doesn't mean that I don't and won't have my doubts about the path I'm travelling down. I question my sanity on a regular basis.

So in the weeks and months to come, I'll be sharing my experiences, from finding out if my 39-year-old eggs are too dusty to procreate, to choosing a frozen-baby-daddy, to my hopeful pregnancy. And then the real fun begins!

I promise to be as honest as I can! I hope you all will check in regularly and feel free to comment!