Thursday, April 30, 2009

It takes a village???

I started this blog for several reasons. First, I wanted to have a place to keep my family and friends updated on this process. Second, I thought blogging would be a good way to process all the thoughts I have racing trough my mind. Third, I figured it would be a great way to get feedback on all the decisions I've got to make.

On that note, I've got some questions for anyone reading this post.

When choosing a total stranger to be the other half of your child's genetic make-up, do you:
1. choose someone like you or someone completely different for balance?
2. What about looks? Similar to your family or movie star look-alike?
3. Do you want a donor with a picture? Would you accept a donor without a picture?
4. Do you want a donor with a proven track record? Keep in mind - that means there are half-siblings out there - maybe a lot of them.

There are a dozen other questions, but we'll start with these. I've looked through several sperm banks and the range in available information is vast. Here are a couple of examples:

My cowboy sperm bank offers up this on their short profile. (Their extended profile provides a little bit more medical history but not much more personal info.
Meanwhile, another bank offers this and this for their donors in their short profile and I haven't looked at their long profiles yet.

I think you get what you pay for and I don't just mean the swimmers. The cowboy sperm bank is about $200-$300 less per vial than the second bank. Is the extra info worth that much? Keep in mind that this may take many vials so we could be looking at a couple thousand dollars difference before we achieve babyhood.

Do you see my dilemma? If my kid is anything like me, he/she is going to have a lot of questions about his/her donor. So I need to be armed with info. On the other hand, I'd hate to have to say to my offspring, "I can't afford to send you to college because I spent thousands of dollars buying your donor's genius sperm, but at least we know he was really smart."

The corner bar is starting to look better and better all the time. As my brother says, "The odds are good but the goods are certainly odd." So, let's hear your thoughts. I mean, most of you are going to have to deal with this kid as well - at least at family gatherings.

I think when I narrow down my list of possible donors, I may put it to a vote on this blog. I believe a very wise woman wrote a book entitled, It Takes a Village. I'm just not sure this is what she had in mind.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Do kids come with Lo-Jack?

I lost a sheet of paper my doctor gave me. I spent hours looking for it. All the while, I was thinking, "I can't call her office and ask for another one. If she knows I lost an important piece of paper, she'll never give me a kid!" If I can't keep track of my medical information, what am I going to do with a child?!!!!

Then I found the paper in my chair cushion. So now I figure that if it had been a kid, I've got a few things in my favor. First, the kid would be lost in my house - so that doesn't really count as lost at all. Second, the kid wouldn't fit in between my chair cushions. Third, even if the kid managed to get lost in my chair cushions, he'd eventually cry and then I'd be able to follow the sound. That's what I do with my cell phone when I can't find it. I call it and then follow the sound of the ringer. Just to be safe, I'm going to have a Lo-Jack system installed on my kid before we even leave the hospital.

So, crisis averted. I must remember this over the next year when I panic and doubt my abilities to be a decent mom. In the meantime, I'm going to designate a specific folder to store all of my medical information. It's probably not a bad idea to hone my organizational skills now.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Don't you wish you had a Reproductive Endocronologist?

It's all the rage now. Everyone will be rushing out to get one. I like to think I'm out there ahead of the crowd. I have my very own Reproductive Endocrinologist. Fancy, huh?

What? That just means a fertility doctor? You mean it's not going to be the next Hollywood craze? Maybe for the older Hollywood crowd. You know, the ones that forgot to have a baby when they didn't need to know terms like hysterosalpingogram and follicle stimulating hormone or thyroid stimulating hormone.

So my non-fancy Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE or "the woman who's going to knock me up") has told me that I should have those hormone levels checked (which I expected) and that hysterosalping-o-thing (not expected). The hormone levels shouldn't be a big deal. They can check that with a simple blood test - or maybe I have to pee in a cup. Easy-peasy.

But the hysterosalping-o-thing? Yeah - that doesn't sound too pleasant. Apparently, they squirt some radio-active waste (or maybe they called it "dye") up my va-jay-jay and see if I light up like a Christmas tree. Actually, they take an x-ray and check to see if I have tube blockages. The info sheet they gave me on the procedure used terms like 'speculum' and 'instruments are inserted' and 'uterine cavity'. Uh-huh. Apparently there is "some cramping" involved and they recommend ibuprofen (taken an hour before the procedure). These are my favorite sentences: "Cramping occurs when the uterus is filled with fluid and for about 15 minutes after the procedure. The entire procedure takes approximately 45 minutes." Fun, huh?

The big question I have is - Where does all that glow-in-the-dark-dye go when their all done looking at my girlie parts? As if that wasn't enough, the x-ray costs about $3K. The insurance should pick up some of that. But I don't know what "some" means yet. I've decided to start keeping tabs on all of the costs involved in this process.

Now, I recognize that it seems like I'm complaining a lot here. Maybe I am. But it's my blog so I get to complain a little bit, don't I? I never claimed to be Mother Teresa (and wouldn't this be even more interesting if I was?)

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Men give it away for free - so why does it cost so much?

Did you know that sperm can cost anywhere from $200 to $600 dollars per vial? Yep, you read that right. It's amazing, isn't it? I mean, most guys would love the idea of a no-strings-attached, one night stand and I'm going to pay out the nose for it. I try not to think about it.

The difference in price, you ask? It depends on several factors.

1. The bank - There's one in Montana on the lower end of the price scale. I imagine you get a lot of cowboys. Lest you think that sounds romantic, let me assure you, it's not. I've met my share of Cowboys. Then there are the banks in your more metropolitan areas. They seem to be at the higher end of the spectrum. There's more variety in donors. But I've seen a lot of these guys in bars at happy hour. All I can say is "Urban Cowboys".

2. ID, please - If you want a name (when your kid turns 18), you're going to pay for it. That's right, if you think your child might want the man-who-made-him-possible's name, you gotta plan ahead. Certain donors have agreed to release their names to adult offspring. Others want to remain anonymous. Even the ones who agree to release their names haven't necessarily agreed to meet their offspring but the door is slightly more open to it.

3. Product type - I've learned all kinds of phrases like ICI, IUI, IVF, and ART. All of that just stands for how far it's got to swim. The less work the sperm has to do, the more expensive they become. The terms that really get me are "washed" and "unwashed". Allow your mind to run with that for a moment. It is exactly what it sounds like. The "washed" swimmers are in a nice, sterile, doctor's-office solution and are therefore more expensive. And the "unwashed".........

4. Donor education levels - One sperm bank actually has donor pricing levels based on education. If you want PhD DNA, you're going to pay. While I do believe in "nature vs nurture", I'm not sure it matters in this case. You could be a member of MENSA and still not know how to change a flat tire.

So, how do I choose? Should I go for the sports car or the sedan? I mean, you can find some great deals in Filenes basement, but you could also get the garment home before you recognize the tear in a seem. And then it's too late.

And I haven't even touched on the donor's personal characteristics yet...........

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

If this blog was a baby

DSS would have been called and I'd be arrested for neglect. Fortunately, blogs don't need constant care in order to survive. But these past few weeks have brought up a valid concern for me.


Week 1 - I was in withdrawal from a medication. I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin and my hands and feet weren't connected to my body. I didn't do much but work and watch TV.

Week 2 (&3) - I had a head cold. Again, I didn't feel like doing much of anything but work and watch TV. I did manage throughout these weeks to give my diabetic cat her insulin shots, so that's gotta count for something.

I try to imagine having to care for an infant during the past two weeks. It seems daunting. Mind you, I know that I could do it. I wasn't that sick and I can usually do what needs to be done. But it seems daunting none-the-less. The thing that keeps me moving forward in my baby-quest is the knowledge of how I got the cold.

You see, I caught this cold from my beautiful, sneezy, smart, germy, adorable, awake-coughing-in-the-middle-of-the-night, brilliant, and amazing nieces. And I knew I was going to get sick. I knew it when I snuggled with them. I knew it when I accepted their kisses. I knew it when I put my chap stick on their little chapped lips. I knew it and I didn't care. Because what else is better than snuggles and kisses from the most beautiful little germ factories I have ever known.

And so I ask myself, "Was it worth it?" The answer is YES!!!!!!
And will it be worth it with my own little germ factory? I can only imagine the answer is: A million times YESSS!!!!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Dr.'s Advice?

I went to my GP the other day. I wanted to see about getting off of a medication before I started trying to get pregnant. Of course, this sparked an interesting conversation and I realized that although I have been thinking about single motherhood for years, it is still a foreign concept to most. He asked me if I had been trying. I said "no". He asked me if I had been passively trying. I said "no". He then asked me if i knew that I would have to try in order to make it happen. I informed him that I wasn't going to do this the old fashioned way. I've decided to start carrying a camera around to capture the facial expressions as they think through what I'm telling them.

I was relieved to discover that he was supportive of my plans and even had some suggestions for me. He was shocked to hear how much sperm costs and was certain that I could find cheaper swimmers if I got creative. I'm sure that this was all somewhat tongue-in-cheek but he thought the local bar would be a good place to start. Since I wasn't too keen on that idea, he suggested I post an ad. Now, how would that ad look?

WANTED:
Sperm
Fast swimming and potent
Preferably with DNA to create above average IQ
Attractive Packaging a Plus
**********************************
Somehow, I don't see it happening. But it brings up a couple of interesting topics. Just how much does sperm cost? And how does one choose sperm? Those topics are coming up!