Well, it seems everything is a go for Saturday!

My follicles are getting bigger.
The swimmers are ordered and on their way.
I've got my appointment set up with my doctor.

Now all I have to do is give myself a big shot. Yeah..... It shouldn't be a big deal. I mean, I give my cat a shot twice a day. Of course, her needles are much smaller. And I just put some food in front of her and give them to her in the scruff of her neck. But I don't have a scruff and I couldn't reach it even if I had one. So, I don't know how this is going to go. Food seems to distract Janie. Maybe if I put a bowl of chocolate ice cream in front of me, I won't notice. It can't hurt........

Free to a good home?

Thanks for all the good thoughts!!!!!!

I found out today that I have 4 follicles. 4, four, quatre, quatro, I wish I knew 4 in a few more languages, Holycrapfortheloveofpete 4! That is 4 little bubbles - each holding one egg that, if fertilized, could become a kid!!!!! That's like having a litter of puppies!!!!! So, I'm lining up folks who want an extra kid! Any takers?

Kidding aside, they need a couple extra days to get big and fat before they'll subject them to the onslaught of swimmers. So, I go back on Thursday for another ultra-sound and the plan is to thaw out DD (daddy donor) on Saturday. Actually, I've named him Finn. More on him tomorrow.

I am trying to reassure myself that a couple of the follicles still won't be big enough to be viable by Saturday. Still, 2 should be of the appropriate size. Also, the ultrasound technician assured me that the chances of twins is only about 5%. Come on 95%!!!!!! PLEASE 95%!!!!!!!!

Speaking of the lab technician, would any of you find it strange if someone was doing an internal ultrasound on you and they said, "I can't find your right ovary."? I felt like saying, "Well if you can't find it, I'm sure I don't know what happened to it. I don't think I left it anywhere." It just struck me as odd. Anyway, my left one seems to be doing most of the work. I'm hoping that is a sign that I'm going to have lefty-liberals for kids. Dad says he doesn't believe there is a correlation. But I'm a believer in nature over nurture in many things.

The roller coaster car is getting closer to the top of the hill......

First, I'd like to thank everyone for sending me such great support since my last post. It has been such a great help to me.

Since then, things have continued along in the preggers process.

I finally picked a donor - even though he was not one of the ones that went through the "friend screening process". More on him later.

I've got all of my paperwork in to the sperm bank. You've got to sign all kinds of stuff - I guess they want to be sure you can't sue them later if you give birth to the spawn of Satan or something.

I've been on meds for the past week so my dusty old egg might actually work.

I go to the doctor tomorrow for an ultrasound to look at that egg and see if it's big enough for a swimmer to actually find it.

If it is, then I give myself a shot sometime tomorrow or Wed. and then go try to get knocked up on Thursday! More on this later as well.

Keep your fingers crossed for me this week! I'll be writing more on all this in the next few days.

family ties?

It has been so long since I posted and so much has happened. I was traveling for work, then I spent a week or so on my back because my hip was messed up. A few new things have happened on the baby front but what I need to talk about today is family.

I have a few books about becoming a single mom and I read all of the chapters I thought were relevant to my life. I skipped over the chapter about how to deal with non-supportive family members. I was under the impression that my entire family was behind me and I considered myself so lucky that I didn't have to worry about that.

Well, imagine my surprise when I found out that my own brother doesn't think I'm responsible enough to be a mom. Many of you reading this will find it hard to believe that he would ever say such a thing. I was too. Keep in mind that I have a Masters degree, I own my own house, I have a career, I purposely bought a car with side-curtain air bags, and I do volunteer work.

I was even more surprised with how viscious he was about it. I have felt hurt, shaken, but mostly angry. Angry because he is the last person who should be preaching to me about responsibility. For those that don't know him, I'll leave it to your imagination. It would be unethical to air his dirty laundry.

Needless to say, this is part of larger issues within my family that are now coming painfully to light. But it leaves me with doubts about how my child will be accepted. I never gave that a second thought either. Perhaps I should. I think I need to go back and read the chapters I skipped before. I hope they've got some answers for me.

As it is, I'm lining up folks who won't mind being called "aunt" or "uncle" by my kid. Let me know if you're interested. I promise my kid will color pictures for you and send you valentine's cards every year.

A way to pay?

It's been awhile since my last post and a lot has happened. I have narrowed down my prospective donors (I'll tell you about that tomorrow) and I have had a glitch in health insurance coverage. That's what I'm talking about today.

Yesterday, I got a letter from Geisinger Health insurance denying me coverage because of my Fibromyalgia and my upcoming IVF and Artificial Insemination. Now, I don't receive treatment for my Fibromyalgia. I just live with it. I go to the doctor for it every few years and maybe get some mac-daddy Ibuprofen or some physical therapy - nothing major. As for the IVF & AI, I'm not doing IVF and as for the AI, they don't cover it anyway so what do they care how I get pregnant? Personally, I think this makes me less of a risky insur-ee than if I had told them that I was going to get pregnant by hitting the local bars. AGAIN - BEING RESPONSIBLE. So now I can't have coverage.

I've called a couple of other insurance folks - and we'll see if anyone else will cover me. I'm trying not to panic. I wonder about folks who just get pregnant without health insurance. How do they pay for it all? How do they not wake up in a cold sweat over how vulnerable they are? Does the government take care of it? Apparently, I make too much money to qualify for Medicaid. But I don't make enough to just be able to pay for all of this out of pocket. I mean, a delivery can cost $7,000 to $10,000! Yikes!

So, in the event I can't get other insurance, I've started brainstorming about other ways to do this. I'd appreciate any thoughts you have. Here's what I've come up with so far.....

1. Put an ad on Craigslist looking for a man with health insurance who needs a green card. I'd marry him. He could live in my guest room. He'd put me on his health insurance. He'd get his green card. I wouldn't go so far as to ask for sperm as part of the deal -- unless his name was Sven and he looked - well - like a Sven. (Close your eyes. You see what I mean, right?)

2. When I go into labor, I have a friend drive me to Canada. I can't be more than a few hours away. Since this is my first kid, I'll be in labor for quite awhile, right? They have nationalized health care, right? Those friendly Canadians wouldn't turn me away, eh?

3. Get pregnant here and then move to England for nine months. I'm not sure how I'd pay for this. Maybe I could get a student visa or something. I'll have to check into fellowship programs or something like that.

4. Get pregnant and then quit my job so I qualify for government assistance. OK - I didn't say these were all GOOD ideas.

5. Apply for a job that has come open in Mom and Dad's old office at USDA. The gov. offers pretty good health insurance and I'd get maternity leave. The bad news is that I'd have to work a 40 hour week on a set schedule and drive 40 minutes each way. (The exact opposite of my life now.)

So, those are my ideas for now. If you have any others to offer, please feel free. I'm open to just about anything here!

I'm not a light-bulb joke.

I subscribe to a chat room of single women trying to get pregnant. We all belong to a group called Single Mothers By Choice. Someone in that group was asking how everyone else chose their RE (the woman who's going to knock me up). I didn't post my reasons for choosing mine because in the grand scheme of things, its probably a stupid reason. But since most of you know how nuts I can be, I thought I'd share my thoughts with you.

So, my Gyno (whom I love) gave me the names of a couple of REs. One was a man approximately 35 minutes away from me. He had his own little practice and used a PA sperm bank. Another was a woman about 1 hour away (maybe a little more). She has a practice with the Geisinger medical group. The third option was highly recommended but she was a couple of hours away - too far.

Now, a normal person might decide to go with the closest one. After all, I may have to go several times during certain weeks of the month. It would make sense. But here's all I could think about: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two Men?! I've already got one man I don't know from Adam (or at least his swimmers) trying to get me pregnant. I don't need another. I can just hear myself, "Well, I really have two men to thank for giving me my child." I mean, there is just something weird to me about one man injecting another man's swimmers up me to get me pregnant. Gross, right? Excuse me while I have a case of the heebie-jeebies.

I'm sure he's completely professional but my ability to approach this in a totally clinical way only goes so far. I'd rather drive a little further to a nice woman who actually knows what it's like to have people poking around. And there is absolutely no chance that my kid will bear and eerie resemblance to her. You've heard the horror stories from the early days of sperm banks, right? Now, I will pause to give you time for a case of the heebie-jeebies. Just shake 'em off. Better?

And the point of health insurance is.......Anyone?....Anyone?

Allow me a moment to rant, if you will.

I am self-employed. I am also responsible. So, like any responsible, self-employed person, I buy my own health insurance. And I pay out the butt for it. Do you think it is going to help at all in this process? NO. Now, I'm not asking my insurance company to buy my sperm for me. I'm not even asking them to pay my doctor to put it in me. What I'd like them to do is pay for an x-ray to tell me if there is any point in putting sperm in me at the rate of $500+ a pop. I mean, if I were using the "closing time down at the corner bar method" for getting pregnant, then it wouldn't be so important to know if I had any blockages because it wouldn't cost me more than a couple of drinks (and I bet I could find a way around that, too).

But no, here again, I'm being responsible. I'm going through proper channels. And I've just got to wonder what I've been doing, paying $250+ per month for the past 2 years to my health insurance company (and barely using my health insurance) so that they can now tell me that they'll only pay for part of the x-ray, after I've met my deductible (which is almost as much as the x-ray) IF it is within 21 days of a hospitalization or surgery. But I don't need to be hospitalized and I don't need surgery. Now, if the x-ray showed a blockage, then I would need surgery to unblock me - BUT - my insurance wouldn't pay for that surgery because it doesn't cover fertility treatments or procedures.

So, WTF(arfignugen)! Octomom can have 14 kids (with fertility treatments) and get covered under programs funded with my tax dollars (which I'm also paying out the butt for because I'm self-employed) because she certainly doesn't have time for a job and therefore has no health insurance of her own. But my health insurance, which I PAY for, won't cover a test that my doctor tells me I need.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not surprised by this. I watch the news. And I am a Democrat. I know the insurance companies are just out to rob us blind and provide no health benefits so their fat-cat CEOs can hide their profits in the mattresses of their multimillion dollar vacation homes in the Cayman Islands. And now I've managed to connect my fallopian tubes to the social ills of the day. And I'll take this opportunity to tell everyone reading - Devon Health insurance SUCKS!!! My work here is done.