Men give it away for free - so why does it cost so much?

Did you know that sperm can cost anywhere from $200 to $600 dollars per vial? Yep, you read that right. It's amazing, isn't it? I mean, most guys would love the idea of a no-strings-attached, one night stand and I'm going to pay out the nose for it. I try not to think about it.

The difference in price, you ask? It depends on several factors.

1. The bank - There's one in Montana on the lower end of the price scale. I imagine you get a lot of cowboys. Lest you think that sounds romantic, let me assure you, it's not. I've met my share of Cowboys. Then there are the banks in your more metropolitan areas. They seem to be at the higher end of the spectrum. There's more variety in donors. But I've seen a lot of these guys in bars at happy hour. All I can say is "Urban Cowboys".

2. ID, please - If you want a name (when your kid turns 18), you're going to pay for it. That's right, if you think your child might want the man-who-made-him-possible's name, you gotta plan ahead. Certain donors have agreed to release their names to adult offspring. Others want to remain anonymous. Even the ones who agree to release their names haven't necessarily agreed to meet their offspring but the door is slightly more open to it.

3. Product type - I've learned all kinds of phrases like ICI, IUI, IVF, and ART. All of that just stands for how far it's got to swim. The less work the sperm has to do, the more expensive they become. The terms that really get me are "washed" and "unwashed". Allow your mind to run with that for a moment. It is exactly what it sounds like. The "washed" swimmers are in a nice, sterile, doctor's-office solution and are therefore more expensive. And the "unwashed".........

4. Donor education levels - One sperm bank actually has donor pricing levels based on education. If you want PhD DNA, you're going to pay. While I do believe in "nature vs nurture", I'm not sure it matters in this case. You could be a member of MENSA and still not know how to change a flat tire.

So, how do I choose? Should I go for the sports car or the sedan? I mean, you can find some great deals in Filenes basement, but you could also get the garment home before you recognize the tear in a seem. And then it's too late.

And I haven't even touched on the donor's personal characteristics yet...........